Never fear, the picks are here! After the jump, I have an abbreviated version of the mascot rankings that I’ve come to know and love. Hold your applause for the comments. Before the jump, I’ll give you the picks and the Good Guys’ records for this Pac-12 season, that is all of a sudden winding down.
Arizona at Utah
Dan, Matthew, Joe: Arizona
WSU at ASU
The Good Guys: ASU
Stanford at Oregon
The Good Guys: Oregon 😦
California at Oregon State
The Good Guys: Oregon State
USC at UCLA
Andrew, Joe, Matthew: USC
Dan (64-14, and he’s also correctly picked 18 games in a row from what I can tell..)
Not to toot our own horns too much but the Good Guys have gone a combined 44-4 in the last 2 weeks. Yeah, not too bad!
Follow the jump for some fun! As always, the Husky picks will be up soon!
Today, the Duck mascot went skydiving and his head fell off. This is ridiculous because this is one of the only events that ducks should excel at. You drop a bear from a plane and he doesn’t stand a chance. You drop a Buffalo from an airplane and you hope that there’s nothing underneath it when he yells because then two things would end up dead. You drop a tree from an airplane and then if no one was around to hear it fall, it never even happened. You drop a duck from an airplane and it should fly. Instead a duck was decapitated today. Also, my dad ran over a duck in his car today. When I think of the best and worst days to be a duck (not an Oregon fan, but a duck) I think of the day Mighty Ducks 2 came out and today.
Today, we are doing a short version of the mascot rankings. I’m only going to give a sentence explanation for each of these because I need to go to bed.. Usually I do some prep work for this (not kidding) but today I’m going to just go for it. I do apologize. Tonight will be a brief intermission from the Olympic events and will instead be a fashion show. One point to clarify, I will not be using the school’s actual mascot (like Harry the Husky) but just instead the general mascot. That’s worded poorly but I hope you get the idea.
12. Arizona State Sun Devils
The devil is an ugly creature, everyone knows that. Sun burnt and weird ears.
11. Arizona Wildcats
A tough week for the Arizona schools. The wildcat is basically a house cat and, unlike dogs, house cats all seem to look a lot the same. None of them are beautiful, some of them may be cute but I don’t think I’ll ever call a cat beautiful.
10. Oregon State Beavers
I love the animal known as the beaver but they aren’t attractive. Can you picture a beaver walking down a runway, it would start out hilarious and then you’d be wondering why you were watching a beaver walking down a runway. That works for all of these actually. If you see the devil walking down a runway, run.
9. Oregon Ducks
I really didn’t mean to get two states out of the way, I think these rankings are fair. Ducks are nice, very detailed, but they’re beaks and overall shape knock them down.
8. California Golden Bears
Bears are awesome and beautiful creatures but the Golden Bear is extinct. You’d just have a dead bear laying on the runway. The only person who’d be excited about that is the guys who went to the duck, beaver, wildcat, and sun devil runway show.
7. USC Trojans
The Trojans had to have been in good shape but, nowadays, people who dress up as Trojans aren’t always in the best shape. Also, skirts on men went out of style about the time the Trojans became non-existent.
6. Colorado Buffalo
I’ve kept the buffalo in this competition for as long as I could because I would love to see a buffalo strutting down the runway. They’re big, interesting and soft. They just aren’t very pretty though.
5. Washington State Cougars
Big cats, unlike house cats, are beautiful. Cougars are no lion or tiger but they’re still a big cat.
4. UCLA Bruins
As I said before, bears are beautiful creatures. They are just magnificent. But, the Bruin doesn’t crack the top-3 because they are not very elegant.
3. Utah Utes
Like the Trojans, I imagine the Utes were/are in decent shape. Also, Native Americans didn’t traditionally wear as many clothes as we do now. So, Magic Mike really helped out the Utes in these rankings.
2. Washington Huskies
Huskies are the most beautiful dog. Golden retrievers will haunt my dreams. This is one of the best looking animals there is though. Sure, it’s not huge and maybe not even magnificent but it’s just beautiful.
1. Stanford Cardinal
The tree finally gets a win. Trees are just amazing. The redwoods, the evergreens, the firs. Whatever you want. You can’t beat a tree.